The Loneliest Job: When You Can’t Tell Your Loved One How You Really Feel
By Siân Jones
Recently, after sharing an article about loneliness on Linkedin, a friend said, “That’s an odd topic for you - you’re never alone. You work with your husband!” She meant it as a compliment. But it got me thinking: what if being surrounded by someone you love, every single day, doesn’t protect you from loneliness? What if, sometimes, it makes it even harder to say how you really feel?
It’s supposed to be the antidote to loneliness - who could possibly feel isolated when you share an office (or a kitchen table) with your partner? However, here’s the truth nobody warns you about: working with your other half can be lonelier than going it alone.
Why? Because suddenly, the one person you’d usually turn to - your confidant, your safety net - is the last person you want to burden. If you’re feeling lost, burned out, or completely out of your depth, how can you say so without worrying them? How do you admit, “I don’t have the answer,” when their hopes are tied to yours? When every business wobble feels like it could ripple into your home life, your friendship, your family?
The Myth of Built-In Support
It’s easy to assume that built-in support means built-in emotional safety. In reality, many people working with loved ones silence their doubts to protect the relationship, keep the peace, or avoid looking “less than” in front of someone they care about. Instead of sharing the load, you carry it more quietly, quietly hoping they won’t notice.
Four years into working with my husband, I hit a wall. I was burnt out, anxious, and sinking fast - but the idea of telling him felt impossible. I worried about bringing him down, about what it would mean for our family, our team, our future. So I kept quiet. The loneliness wasn’t for lack of love; it was because I loved him too much to risk bringing my fears to him. The result? The silence only made things worse.
And this can breed a special kind of loneliness; one where you’re surrounded by love, but feel unable to access it in the ways you need most.
The Double Bind of Vulnerability
We’re told that connection and honesty are the antidotes to loneliness. But what happens when honesty feels too risky; when admitting “I’m struggling” might upset the delicate balance at home and at work?
That’s the double bind of working with someone you love: you need honesty to truly connect, but it feels like an extra risk when your business partner is also your life partner.
So What Can You Do?
Name It: The first step is acknowledging that this kind of loneliness is real, and not a sign of failure. Naming it gives you power over it.
Create “Safe Zones” for Honesty: Be conscious about having non-work check-ins where it’s okay to talk about fears, doubts, and dreams without judgement or “fixing.” Some do this on a date night. For us, it happens more organically, usually while we’re walking the dog. What’s important is that this isn’t about finding solutions - it’s about being seen.
Find External Allies: Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is talk to someone outside your partnership: a mentor, therapist, coach, or trusted peer. This lets you vent, reflect, and come back to your loved one with a clearer head and heart.
Normalise Imperfection: Remember: nobody has all the answers. Remind each other that it’s okay to not know, to mess up, to feel lost. The goal isn’t to protect your loved one from reality: it’s to support each other through it.
If you’re feeling lonely in your business, you’re not alone. The bravest, kindest thing you can do is to start a conversation, with your partner, a friend or a coach. You might be surprised by how much lighter you feel when you do.